Online Dating

"If you want something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done"

Wueh!

I'll just start there. I will say this- there are a lot of men in this world. A LOT. Fine, Fine men. Shemar Moore men. If you are not finding a man, I would suggest you remove yourself from that cocoon that you spend all  your time in and venture out. After all, you can't keep doing things the same way and expect different results.

Let me start by explaining how I ended up on the interwebs.

I'd been with him for such a long time, our lives sort of almost became intertwined. His friends were mine, my friends were his. We lived not too far from each other, so we spent a considerable amount of our free time together. During the week, I was at work full day and then in school after work so I'd leave home at about 6:30 AM and get back at about 9:00 PM, by which time I was too tired to have any meaningful conversation with anyone anyways. My weekends were spent mostly at church, and with him. And then we got engaged and wedding planning took up a considerable chunk of my time, so I had to cut back on some of my responsibilities at church because it was becoming too difficult to  juggle everything.

So anyways, point is, when he left, I suddenly found myself with nothing to do. Especially over the weekends. Weekdays were not too bad because work and school kept me heavily occupied, but weekends were bad. That was often when the loneliness would really hit.

Now, by the time this online thing happened- I had moved on. Some people would argue it was too soon, but for me, moving on is a decision not a feeling. A post for another day :-)
Back to the main point-, I was ready to meet a man. And start dating again. Not because I was lonely, but more because I was just ready. I wasn't thrilled about it- the dating part. It was something I had hoped I would never have to do again. It can be exciting, but it can also be cumbersome. For me, it's a means to an end and so I often want it to pass by as fast as possible. For the record- I have no interest in doing a four year relationship EVER AGAIN. In fact, I don't even encourage people to. But that's just me.

The challenge I faced at this point was where to meet a man. I didn't see it happening with any man from my church, because  to  most of them I was "damaged goods". And I get it. It's hard to approach someone whose whole relationship you saw form and unravel (This was actually said to me- it's not stuff I'm making up in my head, unfortunately). School- not happening. Work- I'm the only single person in my workplace so clearly...

Then my cousin floated this idea of online dating.

So with his help, I tried a couple of sites, most were just a joke. Especially local ones. Wah! Some things would scar you for life. But fact remains, there's a lot of men out here. But there's also just as many creeps. So you need to be really careful. But the being  careful part can be tricky, because in the world of online dating- you only get back as much as you put out there. If you are sketchy, you'll get sketchy. If you are real, you'll get real. Or sometimes sketchy still.

Anyways, it was quite the adventure. I will say this though- being there and doing that is one thing that actually really helped me feel lovable again. Don't get me wrong-  I know that I'm pretty, and smart and an all round great catch (yeah, I have a super high self esteem), But I was really beginning to wonder if I would ever find a man who would see me. Really see me. Beyond everything that had happened, because unfortunately it scares a lot of guys away. There's so many genuine guys with genuine hearts. Turns out when I sit and wonder where all the men are, there's 3 guys out there also wondering where all the women are..

But beyond looking for my Mr. Right, I actually made a lot of new friends from all over the world. So I now have random people that I can randomly chat with whenever we feel like, which is pretty cool. I've made some real life friends and its always funny to watch people's reactions when I introduce someone and tell them we met online :-)

Interacting with these people also really opened up my mind. For the first time ever, I actually found myself seriously pondering on issues such as whether I'd be willing to up and go to another country for a man, whether I could do a long distance relationship, whether I could even get into a relationship with someone I've actually never met. Meeting these people filled me with wanderlust. The world is so big and so amazing and filled with so much to be seen and experienced, and I would love to see and experience it all.

I believe in praying for a partner, but I also believe in strategic placement. That man will not find you behind your closed bedroom door. Unless of course he's come to fix your light bulb. Get out there, do something. Try out new things, hang out in new places, get acquainted with new people. Try a new church. (I know I did, but it was about more than finding a man!). Check out the other floors in your office building. Smile at someone in traffic. If where you are is not giving you the results you want, try something different. But those lines you draw don't just keep other people out, they keep you in.

Get. Out. Of. Your. Bubble.

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines… or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross. Here’s what I know: If you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side… is spectacular."

PS: If it's something you would be willing to try, I'll let you know what some of the more legit sites are. BUT, remember- it works differently for different people :-)