What's In A Ring?

"To make it - really make it - as a surgeon - it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may or may not do more damage than good. It's all about being committed, because if we're not we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place."

~Meredith Grey~

It's engagement season. Or at least, that's what I choose to call it. In a span of about 3 weeks, like 6 people I know, 4 of them friends have gotten engaged. Or received rings, because by my definition of engagement, some of them were already engaged. I think they just weren't aware :-D

This picture was doing the rounds sometime last week:

It really tickled me just how many ladies caught a feeling about this ring. A friend of mine posted this on my Facebook wall and my brother's comment had me laughing out loud - "Ladies, what's wrong with this ring?" He was super serious, by the way. He honestly didn't see an issue with it. And frankly, neither did I. But not because of the ring or the size of the "rock", it was more because of the ways in which my thought process surrounding engagements and marriage has evolved.

I believe that the way in which we have materialized engagements has really watered down the seriousness of the commitment you are getting into. When I started off, I said some of these people that got engaged were actually already engaged, they just didn't know it. How? Here's the thing - if the two of you have discussed marriage, seriously, you are on the same path as far as where this relationship is heading, you have spoken to both sets of parents/guardians, you've probably even set a date for your marriage - you are engaged. Ring or no ring. What I find ridiculous is the fact that people are unable to consider themselves engaged UNTIL they get the ring. That is a bit ridiculous to me.

Maybe its experience. Having gone through an engagement that didn't work out, I know better than anyone that him giving you that ring and planning that elaborate proposal doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to marry you. There's also that dude who may not give you a ring, but will never leave your side. What would you rather have?

So when my friend posted this on my wall, my comment was - is engagement the ring, or the commitment? Of course I added an emoji after that to lighten the mood, but the comment in itself was deadly serious.

Now I believe if you have been in a serious relationship with this man, then he will know what matters to you and will likely do his best to give you what you desire and make you happy. I just think that if your acceptance/rejection of his proposal is pegged on the ring he offers you (or lack thereof) you may not be as prepared as you would want to believe.

Of course we all want nice blingage...that's probably why we spend so much on those engagement rings and wedding bands. I just think that it needs to move beyond that. The rings are symbols of the commitment, they are not the actual commitment. They aren't. When you fight with your husband, taking off your wedding band wont make you any less married than if you had it on. The ring doesn't make the relationship, the two of you do.

I told Mr.O, the minute he gets my parents blessing to marry me, we are engaged. Ring or no ring. It doesn't really matter to me anymore. .Why? Because, by the time you are meeting my parents to seek a blessing, clearly you and I have already discussed marriage in detail. I'm already on board. Should you choose to give me a symbol of that commitment, great. I would boldly and proudly wear it, But the commitment is in my heart. In the place that no one but God sees. And that particular commitment is what holds most dear to me. That I gave you my word, and I have to hold myself accountable to that.

But then again, that's just me... :-)

Love & Light

Awii