Weight A Minute!

"Discipline is simply choosing between what you want now, and what you want most."

Hi. My name is Awino and I am overweight.

I do not refer to myself as "Plus Size", not anymore. Because that's not what I am. Hiding behind the plus size tag was not allowing me to see what was really happening. And as long as I was not seeing it, I couldn't change it. You can not change what you do not accept. 

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that this is not a topic I usually discuss freely or easily.  I But here I am today, baring my soul. Don't worry, I'm not here to start a fitness journey series - there's enough of those going round on Instagram :). I am here to encourage someone who feels stuck - there is a way out. But you have to want it more than you've ever wanted anything in your life.

I really don't know how to go about this post, I just know that I need to do it.

I have actually been overweight my whole life, so I'm pretty used to being big. That's been my life. I embraced it, have always been confident about it, loved my body - the works! I still do. I have an almost unshakable self confidence as far as my body goes. I never felt like I needed to change. I always felt like if you don't like what you see, look at something else :-D .. Maybe it also helped that I am tall, so I really don't look as big as I am heavy.

And I guess that's a common thing with most overweight people. We can often be real confident, borderline defensive. Trust me when I say - there is a fine line between being confident and being defensive. I know it because I have lived it. We often beat people to the punch - label ourselves before we are labeled, laugh at the jokes, heck even make the jokes!I guess it's all part of the defense. Coz believe me, life is hard our here for big/plus size/overweight people. Being confident is simply loving yourself despite and inspite. Everybody needs that. Being defensive on the other hand, will cause you to refuse to see a problem where there is one.

The funny thing about weight is most of the time, you don't even notice it piling on. I know I've always been big, but I also know the weight has piled on over the years. I never quite noticed it happening, but it did. And there will always be a reason, especially if you've been big all your life. You'll be told the way you are big boned, heavy set etc etc. And I bought into all this, till I met someone who shed 48kg's after being told all those stories. She looks ridiculously good. So that's where I kinda begun to believe that things could be different.

I just got to the point where I begun to think that there has to be a way out. I NEED a different quality of life. I was tired of being told that I can't get much smaller that I am because that's just how I'm set. I was tired of trying thing after thing after thing that either didn't work or was just a short term solution. I didn't have issues with how I looked, but I definitely became more aware of how unhealthy it is to be overweight. It doesn't matter how fabulous you look (because there are so many ridiculously fabulous looking big ladies out here), you can not be overweight/obese and healthy. And if you are healthy now, just wait it's catching up. I have nothing against "Plus Size Power". I could possibly be the chair-lady :)) ..But yo! I think it's time we started calling a spade a spade and not a big spoon.

Weight loss is not easy. It really requires a lot of sacrifice that most of us don't want to make. For me it was especially hard because I just couldn't seem to find a program or regimen that would give me the kind of results I wanted. And this kept me super discouraged, and would often have me on the verge of giving up. I tried working out, and it made me feel great but I wasn't seeing any real change. But I did notice that when I gradually begun to change my eating habits, I begun to get results

Lightbulb moment!

I stopped taking gradual measures and begun taking drastic measures. I met the most amazing lady who put together the most amazing program for me and yo! It's difficult, but it works. And it's not a short term fad - it's lifestyle change. That's what I love. That I will shed this thing and not have it come back, unless I allow it to.

Am I happy? Immensely. Weight loss will suck if you are doing it for anyone but yourself. It has to be YOUR journey. Yours and no one else's. It's not a journey you can share. You can't even rely on other people to cheer you on - they can cheer you on, but you can't rely on that to keep you going. There will be tons more who want you to remain as you were

Human beings thrive on wins. When you win at something, it keeps you motivated. Up till now, it had been a pretty suck-y year for me. Most of the amazing things I had planned had slowly and surely fallen apart. And most of it was things beyond my control. But somewhere in June, in the middle of my job hunt one day, I decided that I needed a win for me. So I decided to take my weight loss a lot more seriously that I had been.

I want to live long (if my long life was to be purely a factor of weight-related health issues), I want to live happy. I want to have babies when I decide to have babies. I don't want to feel it's time and have a doctor tell me "Nah, you need to lose xx kg's before you can even think of having kids to avoid complications - I know about 4 people that have gone through that). I want to enjoy the great outdoors with my man (because I realized the real reason I don't like outdoor activities is just because they are exhausting because your body cant handle it), and I want to run around with my nieces and nephews and my future babies. I want to get into a public transport and be confident that people aren't busy thinking "Please don't sit next to me" :-D. I want to have energy. I want to find clothes my size in any store I walk into. That's why I'm doing this. I want to live life on my terms. And I am slowly and surely getting there.

It can happen. It's happening for me, it can happen for you too. But you have to want it more than you've wanted anything before.

So if you're on this journey - soldier on. If you've been looking for the motivation to start, get on it! People are changing their lives, one day at a time. So start your journey, one day at a time.

Because that's the only way - a day at a time.

Love & Light :)