Quarter Life Crisis

After a series of lots of self-doubt and mini meltdowns in my mind, I think I can finally say that I am probably going through a Quarter Life Crisis. My girl, who I was sharing this with the other day (more like yesterday), doesn't think it's a real thing. I still love her anyways :-)

At first I thought maybe I'm just reacting to adulting in general - newly married, new-ish job, just turned a year older, balancing responsibilities and ever increasing demands. And on most days, I feel like I am just not getting it right. Whether this is by general standards or by standards I have set for myself in my own mind, I don't know. But it's not a very pretty place to be.


I just turned 27. Twenty-freakin-seven. I'm getting old. (Yes, I can feel you rolling your eyes at me. This is a no judgment zone ) Yet still feel like that's within the threshold of still being allowed to be young and stupid. I don't think I'm doing too badly, but I don't feel like my life is where I thought it would be either. I know that something needs to change, I just can't seem to figure out what that 'something' is  :-(

Hence - Quarter Life Crisis

All this has really been eating at me for a while. And I think the thing that sucks the most is that you kind of have to wade through it and figure out what works for you on your own. No one can do it for you. There's no magic pill that you can swallow and have everything revealed to you. And don't even get me started on those moments when you find yourself casually (or not so casually) comparing the trajectory of your life with that of your friends/peers, which ends up leaving you feeling that much more lost (as if you weren't already lost enough)... Everyone around you suddenly seems to be doing so much better than you, and seems to have all their stuff figured out and you end up feeling like... Well... Like you suck. Pretty much.


But in the midst of all my confusion and (apparent) lost-ness - the one thing that keeps tagging at my heart is that life is not a competition. At least not with anyone else. I know we've probably all heard this before and it begins to sound very cliche, but the only person you should really be competing with is you. To be better today than you were yesterday. Better next year than you were last year. And when you get lost in feeling like you need to figure out the next ten steps, you can easily forget to take the one step that's right in front of you that would pave the way.


It could be in a great way - like discovering a new planet, or it could be in a little way - like picking up a new hobby.

But more and more, I feel like life is meant to be lived. Not (necessarily just) figured out.

Break away from the routine. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do things for you. Find things that you enjoy doing and do them. Most importantly - Live life on your terms. And live it loud and proud. No apologies. After all - you came in alone, and you will exit alone. SO you may as well enjoy the ride.
 (Side bar - I think this little pep talk is mostly for me ;-) )

And who knows - in the process of living life, you just might figure it out.

XOXO

Almost Home

30 days.

I feel like I have so much going on in my mind, and it's all centered around 30 days. I can't believe I am getting married in just 30 days. This thing has always felt so distant, so abstract. And now it's here. It's real.

I am going home.

I have a house, and soon I will have a husband. And we will have a home. I guess this means that I am almost successfully adulting :D.. That matters - because I feel like I haven't been adulting very well!

I'm not a mixed bag of emotions. I am excited, and I am tired. Those are the only two things I feel. We are having a wedding, and putting a wedding together is A LOT  of work. But it's been amazing. Our first real little project, the first of many. My colleague couldn't believe when I told her we've pretty much put this wedding together, just the two of us. It's been fun. We've disagreed, agreed, agreed to disagree... And in the end realized it is never that serious.

All that matters is that we get home.

Home is wherever we are with each other, and I can't wait. I can't wait to not have to say goodbye anymore, I cant wait to not have to only see him once a week.. I can't wait to build a life with him.

He is home.

So I don't have anything deep to share. Just sitting here amazed at how far God has brought me. How faithful God is.

Mr. O - thank you. For seeing my crazy, accepting my crazy, and deciding that you can spend the rest of your life with my crazy. You have loved me selflessly, beyond anything I could have asked for. You have been my closest friend and my biggest supporter. You are THE man, and I am so proud to be your woman. You truly are the one He kept for me. Here's to you, here's to us, here's to forever.

24th June 2016 - here we come.

We are coming home.

"The one I was praying for
The one He delayed me for
The one He kept for me
Until it was time"