When You're Mad

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."

Disclaimer: that quote really has nothing to do with this post, it's just one of my favorites of 2014. Also I have been EPICALLY (does such a word exist?) lazy because this post should have gone up like 2 weeks ago, its just been sitting in my drafts :-/


I often feel like in the relationships I've had in the past, I've done enough fighting for a lifetime. I really used to "enjoy" fighting. I was really honestly so good at it. I wasn't the kind to randomly pick fights for the fun of it, but I would never lose.

Right now, I'm just over it though. I really wish I could do without it and I've been trying to put myself in a space where I can avoid it. Ok, avoid it is the wrong word. More like learn how to express disappointment of have disagreements without it having to turn into a fight. Only problem is, I am generally a Type A personality personality, And I think this is the one thing about me that all the men I have been with like and dislike in equal measure. They love that I can think and express myself and all that, I think they just never realize this will extend to all areas, including when you make me unhappy. Then you throw me in the ring with Mr.O who is equally Type A, hehehehe.. THITIMAA!

Anyways, that's beside the point. I think the problem is many times we demonize fighting and disagreements because everywhere we look (and by everywhere I mean Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat etc etc) all we see are these happy plastic perfect couples. So when here in your real relationship you have a fight, you almost begin to think its the end of the world and y'all must be so wrong for each other. Granted there is a level of fighting that is EXTREMELY unhealthy and makes the relationship toxic, And of course there are those couples who never fight (or so I hear). But the majority of normal, healthy, well adjusted couples do disagree and do get on each others necks. It happens, it's normal. Why? Because the only way to people can be together/live together and agree on absolutely everything is if they are exactly the same person. And no two people are exactly the same.

One of my married friends recently told me that what she considers to be one of the worst pieces of advice she was given before she got married is "Don't go to bed mad". We are all familiar with that one, right? And it sounds great - in theory. The practicality of it however can be much more different. Not all disagreements can be resolved in a couple of minutes. Sometimes disagreements get blown up because of other stress inducing factors outside the two of you. Sometimes all you need is a good nights rest and your perspective will be totally different the next day or in a couple of days.
And I honestly think people should talk about it more.

I feel like if people were real about the situations they have going on in their relationships/marriages, there may actually be a lot less people ending their relationships/marriages. The thing is we all struggle (alone), and we try and make our way through the mud and muck (alone) because we actually believe that we are alone. And we are more interested in putting up appearances that reaching out and getting help. And sometimes help could be as simple as recognizing and accepting that you are not the only ones in this and that there is nothing wrong if you are having a disagreement, and you will not die if you admit it. Celebrate your good days and talk about your bad days as well.

A great relationship is made up of two good forgivers. That's it. If you know you did something wrong that hurt your partner, humble yourself and apologize. If your partner genuinely apologizes, forgive them. No relationship can survive without constant apology and forgiveness, Yes, even for we Type A's. Something that Mr.O and I have been learning the hard way :-)

Remember - when it comes to relationships and fighting,  you can be right or you can be happy, You can rarely ever be both.