Sometimes It's You..

"It's not always your EX who's an example of who you don't need to date again. Sometimes, you're that EX"

Pierre Alex Jeanty

And most of the time, you don't even realize it. Whenever it comes to relationship arguments, fights and fall-outs, we are always the good guy. Even that person who cheated on their significant other will never think it was their fault that the relationship ended.

I sometimes wonder what my ex tells his potential girlfriends (or probably even current - I really don't know if he's dating or not) when time to talk about the ex-s comes about. I am one of those ladies who has to know it all. All your ex-es (both the serious ones and the not so serious ones) and why the relationships ended. This has more to do with the guy than the ladies he dated. I realized that you can tell a lot about a person based on their previous relationships. spoiler alert - I will know when you are lying.

Seriously though - do you tell them the whole truth, half the truth, find a way to paint yourself in good light.. Is there ever fear that they will change their minds once they really know what went down. Is there fear that if you give half truths that someone who knows the full truth may one day out you? Don''t get me wrong. I'm not encouraging you to dwell on the issue of the ex. And don't delve into it looking for trouble. I just think you learn a lot more about a person from their past, and it helps shed better light as to who they are now.

There's this one guy who I knew briefly (maybe not so briefly), and he would completely refuse to talk about his ex. He'd been single for about 2 years when I met him and he and his ex had been together about a year. Anytime I would ask why that relationship ended, he would absolutely refuse to talk about it. "the past is the past" .. Ha! That for me is a BIG red flag. Almost as big as if you do not know where your man lives. And true enough, he turned out to be a total flake in the end.

So when I read the above quote, it got me thinking - how many people actually do a thorough self assessment at the end of a relationship? Were you done wrong, or did you do wrong? And even if you were done wrong, is there anything you could have done different of better? Have you walked out of that situation a better person for your next?

Or are you the ex that everyone gets warned about?

Granted, there is someone who will see the good in you and not think you acted a fool (or look past it) and want to be with you, but the truth is if you don't makes things right within you, you will act a fool again. You will find yourself repeating those very patterns that caused things to go off last time.

And if you aren't the ex that everyone keeps getting warned about - good on you. keep doing you, and keep getting better. Because everyone can always be a little more epic

So all I'm saying is - sometimes it's you. We all want a good man/woman, but just because you want a good man/woman doesn't mean you are ready for one. Introspection is very important - sometimes it's not you, but sometimes it is.

Love & Light