These Are The Fudamendos

Fundamendos.
This song really tickles me. I remember when it first got out and was being shared a lot on Facebook. A couple of my Christian Saved Facebook friends caught an emotion because apparently in sharing the song we are making light of and promoting promiscuity. I just thought that song was hilarious. And I still laugh every time I hear it. Every single time.

But those are not the 'fundamendos' I am referring to in this case. That's not the point of this post.

"Opposites attract, Similarities maintain"

In my stint in this world of dating (Which I really did not enjoy. I don't like dating, I really don't) I figured there's so many people who look great on paper, and leave you with such a good first impression but could never move from there. If we ever decided to get into a relationship, it would probably only last a few months or as long as we'd care to pretend it was working before admitting there was no long term hope here. And it was always because of the fundamentals.

I always used to believe the fundamentals were the big things - religion, children, marriage, education, career. But I realized with time, it actually boils down to what really matters to you. What are your priorities? What can you compromise on, and what cant you? That's what makes up the fundamentals. This can range from the very big things (or what are considered to be the big things) as I've stated above, or the little things, which may not be so little to you seeing as you would not be happy in a relationship without them.

For me, I learned that I can not be in a secret relationship. Private, yes. Secret, no. Everyone needs to know of us. Not everyone needs to know about us. Neither can I "go with the flow". You know, that awkward place where you act like you are in a relationship, but it's never been defined.  I also don't believe in taking forever to define a relationship. Religion matters to me. Marriage matters to me. There has to be an end point to the relationship, and it has to be defined and time bound. Of course there's a whole bunch of other things as well.

The thing is, sometimes you may find yourself with a person who is "great" and so you try to fix your needs and make adjustments and compromises just so that the two of you can work. And sometimes you will find that you are breaking your back for someone who isn't lifting a finger for you. Other times, you are both breaking your backs, when you really need not be.

I don't think relationships should be hard. I don't think they are supposed to be.. I actually don't enjoy listening to relationship stories of how this, that and the other battle was fought and how they overcame. It's almost as though it is constantly fighting and overcoming. Eish. You just can't be fighting and overcoming all the time. And if that's all you are up to, you are probably not as compatible as you think. I used to think those stories were cute. I don't anymore. Most of the times I hear those stories I find myself thinking "You deserve better". It's just not cute. I know I've mentioned before, I don't entirely believe in the concept of the one. There's tons of people that you can be compatible with, do your self a favor and pick the highest compatibility you can possibly get.

Of course because we are human even of you got someone that you were 98% compatible with, there will be those moments when the 2% causes D.R.A.M.A, but that should be the exception rather than the rule. And what determines compatibility? The fundamentals. Be with someone who is a fundamentally similar to you as possible. then add on the rest.

I like my relationships easy. Not the lazy kind of easy where you don't put in the work, but the kind of easy where who I naturally am and who you naturally are just blend so well together that it never feels like I am actively putting work into it. Basically, a relationship is work but I don't want my relationship to feel like a job. We live in a world full of so many mediocre things, love should NEVER have to be one of them.

Long and short - define your fundamentals. Focus on someone who shares as many of them as possible. Remember - sometimes your struggles are an indicator of how great your love is, sometimes they are just an indicator that you aren't right for each other

Love & Light :-)