Friendzoned!!

So I am sitting in the salon under a drier. I'm not a big fan of going to the salon, don't let my gorgeous hair fool you- that's just good genes :-D .. Anyways, I always try to find something to keep me busy so that the time can just fly by, and today I found myself revisiting a whatsapp chat with a friend of mine. For some reason, I never delete texts or chats, I really don't know why. I just like having them there. And I text/chat a lot. Sometimes they just make for good entertainment.

Back to my friend.

I've known him for about two and a half years now. When we met, my ex and I were still together. But this man struck me. Like whoa, who are you? First, he is EXTREMELY good looking, but beyond that- he has a beautiful mind. Ibhave a thing for men who have a good head on their shoulders. Who have Vision and ambition in equal measure and who work hard. We hit it off (almost- i was too shy to yalk to him at first, took almoat two months before we actually started talking) instantly, but I never quite got as deep into it as I could have for obvious reasons. So we'd talk on and off till when I got engaged and our communication sort of died. Then picked up again post break up. We have one of those friendships where you can go 2 years without speaking and then just pick up where you left off.

So as I am sitting here going through our chat, I come across one particular day where we had quite an interesting talk about the friendzone. So here I am telling this ninja how I feel like he has friendzoned me. (Yeah, I have this tendency to speak my mind). And he laughs. And I'm like seriously though.. now this is what I learned through that convo: there is such a thing as being too good a friend.

What?

Yes.

Apparently, I have the tendency to be too good a friend. At least according to him. So I get into the trouble of starting to explain how I believe that all the best relationships are based on friendships blah blah blah. Then he goes "yes. But there's friendship, then there's friendship with a purpose."

Turns out, in the process of forming a friendship, there's a way that you can sell yourself that communicates friendship only, and then there's a way that you can sell yourself that communicates that you want to be friends but you're also looking for something more. And that's what friendship with a purpose is.

Aha. So all along here I was trying to be a friend when that's not the only thing I should be offering. I know some of you are thinking "duh", but hear me out.

I've never been a big believer in the friendzone, mostly because I have a tendancy to date my friends/people I already know. Basically it will likely be someone who I already have a foundation with, then we just decide to make more of it. I think the friendzone is unnecessarily vilified. Why? You may spend time on end looking for someone, yet the best person for you is right under your nose. You know- that person who has been a constant in your life. One of your biggest supporters and critics in equal measure. Has shared in your happiest moments and has been there in some of your lowest. That person who you always have to tell about the stuff happening with you. They may not necessarily be the first person you tell, but they are on your list. That person could easily be the person you need, yet they are the person you ignore.

Why?

My theory is that in the same measure that the friendzone has been vilified, relationships have been over-romanticized. Is romance important? Definitely. But for me, a relationship is all about doing life together. Finding a partner is about finding someone you can do life with. The butterflies wont always last. The laughter may not always be there. There's days you wont even like this person and you'll find yourself questioning the very basis of your being together. You know what will carry you through those days - friendship.

Now this is not to say that you should get together with anyone who is your friend just because they are your friend yet you have not even an ounce of any form of attraction toward them. That is sentencing yourself to misery. What I'm saying is that there are some people who are in your friendzone simply because you have managed to talk yourself out of a good thing. So maybe, just maybe you need to re-evaluate. You can't walk around telling me that there are nonmen when you have like 50 male friends..

So after that we go into talking about his farm (he's a farmer. A super sexy one at that.) and he tells me how he wants to name the farm Rafiki Farm in my honor. I told him "Thanks, but no thanks. Not until the purpose has refused. :-D"

So I am now learning how to be a friend with a purpose :)