The Victory Dance

I always thought that when I finally met someone I would call (or text..most likely text) the ex (all the ex's actually) and be all "in your face!" about it. I thought it would finally be able to dance and tell them that I actually am a great catch. I've always known I am, I think I just needed to flaunt it to them. This had been my plan, for like a full year.

Then Mr. O happened, and that plan suddenly felt very shallow.

You know every break up is somehow secretly and subconsciously a competition. A competition to see who will recover first, who will move on first, who will move on to a "better" partner. The works. And I will admit, this was one competition that I honestly wanted to win. In the beginning. I felt that it was my right to win it. Why? Because, I was wronged. I'm the one who was done wrong, so I did not think that it would be in any way fair that he gets to move on first. Yet, it never really seemed to bother me. Like I would never (and have never) gone out of my way to find out whether he moved on, and if he had, who he had moved on with. I just kept waiting for when it would happen to me.

And happen it did. Yet when it did,  I felt nothing about flaunting it to him. At all. I even recall that there was a certain function I was to attend with Mr. O, and I knew he would be there so I opted out because I didn't want to come look like I was flaunting it. People didn't get it. But I am sooo happy in my little #TeamO world, that nothing else seemed to matter.

And so I realized that I did win. But not against him. And it wasn't a competition after all, but still I had won. I had won my own happiness.  I didn't want to prove to anyone that someone out there could decide to be with me and marry me. I realized that winning my happiness meant that I could decide to be with someone and marry them just as much as they wanted to be with me. That I could decide to be with someone who pushes me to be the best version of myself that I could possibly be, and they feel that I equally do the same for them. That I could be with someone who is not threatened by the woman that I am, by my achievements and ambition, but chooses to celebrate it and even to push that agenda and still love me unconditionally. It wasn't about sitting around and waiting for someone to chooses me, I too was an active participant in that process. Anyone could choose me and want to be with me, but I had to choose them too. I had to want to be with them too. No points to prove to anybody, just a decision between the two of us. And that's what winning my happiness means to me.

So today, I choose to celebrate and do my victory dance because I won my happiness. And that can not be taken from me by anyone for anything. I owe myself a victory dance, and dance I will :-)

Love & Light :-)